Since that one guy stopped being US president – what was his name?  You remember him, he had a Texas accent and a constant cocaine sniffle.  Anyway, since he went away the Funny Times seems to have been devoting more space to old and possibly corny jokes.  

These  examples come from Planet Proctor.  Here’s a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt:

I had a rose named after me and was very flattered.  But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’

This was presented as a true story: 

A teacher designed a study testing the senses of first graders using a bowl of Lifesavers to identify flavors by color: red for cherry, yellow for lemon, green for lime, and orange for- orange.  Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY Lifesavers, but after popping them into their eager little mouths, none of the children could identify the taste; so she said, “I’ll give you all a clue.  This is what your mother may sometimes call your father.”  One little girl looked up in horror, spit out her Lifesaver, and yelled “Oh my God!  They’re assholes!” 

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