i told the bus driver he was hot when i got off the bus because life's short but now he's my driver on the way back too so turns out life is long

— You Will Find Your People is out now📕NYC 5/26 (@hellolanemoore) May 20, 2023

Then I guess nothing will pic.twitter.com/5qCXecsrPN

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) May 19, 2023

There's no way these "Adams" and "Jefferson" figures were real. You mean to tell me they founded rival political factions, were bitter rivals, reconciled, then died on the 50th anniversary of the country's independence? https://t.co/2AlSIPPosF

— Cranky Federalist (@CrankyFed) May 19, 2023

pic.twitter.com/jYuskIfn1S

— Swear Trek (@swear_trek) May 18, 2023

Some of my colleagues in the humanities seem eager both to "decolonize the curriculum" and also to remove our college's language requirement. They want a "decolonized" course of study that's entirely in English.

They do not appear to notice the contradictions in their position.

— Eric Adler (@ProfEricAdler) May 18, 2023

GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split up

ME: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.

— Mat (@MatCro) July 26, 2015

The Iraq War is the historic crime of our era (it poisoned our politics). But it enjoyed bipartisan support, so the primary ideological function of neoliberal elites over the past decade has been to conjure things like the Confederacy and Richard Nixon to blame instead. https://t.co/NwP3oNLl07

— Sam Haselby (@samhaselby) May 17, 2023

Not qualified to comment on the classical music world but the version of this argument in literary circles has always seemed to me fallacious. Study of "the canon" fosters the material conditions, institutional support and critical practices for receptivity to other traditions https://t.co/M91AFXkHJ0

— Hairy-hairy monster (@MisterBossy) May 18, 2023

My Kafka bookend that, when the light falls on it, casts a shadow of Franz on the wall. pic.twitter.com/E3vUaCMTfs

— The sunny side of Franz Kafka (@AmschelKavka) May 18, 2023

I’m not great at math but I’m starting to connect the dots here pic.twitter.com/LMZ1iaU3iF

— BUDDYHEAD ☭ (@Buddyhead) May 17, 2023

and the part when he put the crown on the King's head backwards, and the part when he got down to swear an oath of allegiance to the King, he got down alright, except he couldn't get up again, so the King and a few Bishops had to help him up. Apart from that it went well. 3/3

— Christopher Rees (@ChrisReesBettws) May 16, 2023

*holds up 2 ties*
which one, I have a big meeting today
"both are nice"
[wife calls later]
"how'd it go"
well, wearing 2 ties was a disaster

— brent (@murrman5) September 22, 2014

me: how much for the funny smelling spray?

employee: perfume?

me: no, the whole bottle

— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) May 7, 2023

never realized that "I want the guy bribing me to like me" might be an acceptable defense for receiving a bribe but that's why i'm not the GOP's star witness https://t.co/6biJmDWTmw

— Law Boy (@The_Law_Boy) May 2, 2023